Dawn of the Cardholder

Posted: August 3, 2010 in Short Stories

Michael Kelton was new to the eFunds Corporation. They had placed him in hot-cards and it was a tedious task that required a lot of nit picking. But he knew his job and he did it well.

Abner De La Rosa was at work as well, he had decided to pick-up a few hours of over-time.

Tom Russo had returned because he had lost his wallet and thought it may have been at his desk.

Danielle Levy was at work today, but she didn’t like it. Today was her day off; she had to make up for some lost time, and today was the only day she could do it during the same pay period.

Cha Rae was working as well. She too had time to make-up, as she had opted to stay home the previous Friday.

Ashley sat at her desk. It was Sunday, just like any other Sunday, and she was answering phone calls. “Thank you for calling cardholder services, this is Ashley, may I have your 16 digit card number please?”

Heavy breathing filled the phone lines.

“Thank you for calling cardholder services, this is Ashley and I can’t hear you. We are open 7 days a week 24 hours a day, please call back. I am releasing this call now.”

Bring ring… Bring ring… “This is Ashley,”

Michael Kelton was on the line. “Hi Ashley, um… I know you don’t do hot carding, but like, I have this call where there was heavy breathing and then screaming and then I heard someone say, …it’s the cards, it’s the cards get rid of them before you turn into one of… and then the line went dead.”

“Sounds like a prank call.” said Ashley, “Don’t worry about it.” She let out a nervous laugh, but she was a bit worried. Her gut feeling was telling her something was wrong.

“Can you believe the cardholders today,” said Abner as he stood up at his cubicle. “Just breathing heavy in the phone with people screaming in the background?” His Spanish accent was still pretty thick though he’d lived in the US over half his life.

Tom looked up from his search at his desk. “That’s weird.”

“Yeah, the perverts!” added Danielle, “I’ve been hanging up on them for the past hour.”

“Oh my GAWD,” Screamed Cha Rae, “I just came back from my break and there are cardholders outside, with their cards on their foreheads ripping at people’s wallets and purses scrambling for dropped change and eating the bills like lettuce!”

“What?” yelled Ashley! “Wait, don’t panic. Let me make a phone call.” Ashley dialed a number and suddenly her face turned pale. “I just called the local news hotline and Cha Rae is right. Cardholders all over the world have turned into money hungry zombies!”

Just then Cheng; the guy at the security desk, came running back, half his clothes were ripped off, especially at the pocket areas. “There are crazy people out there, tarring at other peoples clothes and eating their money!”

“Well, you are darn lucky you weren’t wearing cargo pants!” Tom said. It was just what they needed to break the tension.

“That was funny, Tom,” Ashley stated, as she stood from her desk. “But this is no time for jokes, what are we going to do? The security doors won’t hold them off forever!”

They each looked at each other with dumbfounded abandon.

Suddenly Cha Rae’s eyes lit up. “Hey, remember when they were having that fitness awareness thing, and corporate wanted us all to go bike-riding and they bought all that spandex gear?”

Everyone starred at Cha Rae.

“Don’t you get it? They are after people with pockets. The deeper your pockets the more likely you are to get ripped! If we all wear spandex and leave our wallets and purses here, we should be safe.”

“That’s crazy talk Cha Rae,” said Abner.

“Crazy like a fox,” added Danielle, “and just crazy enough it just might work.”

* * *
Epilogue

Cha Rae’s idea spread like wild fire. Billions of people around the world tossed aside their wallets and purses and began wearing spandex.

…Less people appeared in public as a result…there are just some things that should never be seen in spandex.

Fin.

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