Archive for the ‘My Heart, my soul’ Category

Living with Bobby Perez

Posted: August 10, 2010 in My Heart, my soul

So, Bobby Perez invites me down to Correctionville Iowa to start my life over after a messy breakup with Dawn M. Varela.  I am excited to be hanging out with my long time friend and to help him out with his school.

Well, the golden goose was really a dead squirrel in disguise.  Not only did he show me no respect, but he put me down in front of others and behind my back.  Not only was he not appreciative of what I did and was doing for him but he constantly complained that I was lazy and never did enough.

Now, I don’t mean to brag about my social status, but I have studied martial arts for over 20 years, I am an accomplished artist, a published author and 75 percent of all my jobs I have been the manager of or part of the upper staff.  I keep myself well groomed and well attired.

I schedule my life, when to eat, how often to drink and I budget my fun time.

If anything, I am a control freak… far from lazy.

Honestly, I had to sleep on the floor with beetles and spiders and silver fish and earwigs and countless flies and gnats.  2 weeks ago he got a couch, and let me sleep on the couch… he has a bed, but if I wasn’t sleeping on the couch then he would take it and then I would have to sleep on the floor again.

He would give my food away when I bought it, he would eat my food if I didn’t eat it and then he would get upset if I ate his food.

All the while he is preaching to me how he is doing me a favor letting me stay with him.

Seriously, he was not doing me a favor… I had a choice to weather my breakup with my family or him.

I chose him because he said he needed my help with his MMA school.

Sigh… so not only did I get all my stuff stolen from me by Dawn M Varela, but then I had to live in Hell for three months afterwards.

Don’t get me wrong, Bobby Perez can be a wonderful human being… but not on a long term basis.  He has some growing up to do and to learn to be grateful and appreciative and respectful.

I am thankful for the lessons I have learned with Dawn and Bobby… I am still sorting it all out, and I know that my choices have brought me to where I am today.

The hard part is dealing with the loss and the pain of not being respected and appreciated.  It makes a part of you feel worthless, I really hate that feeling.

Especially since I gave so much of myself to Dawn M Varela and in the end she turned out to be the worst relationship I have ever suffered through.

Not one of them ever took as much from me as she has… I guess it’s because we were together 7 years while my other relationships never lasted more than 3.  So that’s four more years of accumulated stuff she took.

Okay, see this part was supposed to be about Bobby Perez, but for me, the pain of Bobby and Dawn are kinda inter-related.

Well, I’m done with my electronic crying 🙂


Wedding Ring

Posted: August 10, 2010 in My Heart, my soul

So I’m going through the stuff I have left, and I noticed that my wedding ring is missing.  Hmm, why is it that Dawn feels she has to take everything away from me?

I just don’t understand why she feels it is her God given right to do everything she possibly can to hurt, destroy and take away everything I’ve worked for after 7 years together.

I just want my stuff back.  I am still paying on it all.

I have copies of the receipts.

Would some wise person out there explain to me why she has to take my wedding ring, and all my other possessions when she was the one who broke up with me?

Okay, I’m starting to paraphrase now… so I will just cut it short.

I’m not pissed off, I’m just upset and confused and really hurt.

I am a natural born teacher.  It has been my desire to pass on my knowledge to those around me and to help and heal others of their issues.  Over the years I have learned to recognize when a child is crying out for help.  As I was abused as a child; emotionally, physically and spiritually, and no one was there to guide me through my misery… I have taken it upon myself like a personal crusade to help kids who need the guidance I never had.

Through many years of trial and error, I have learned that you can’t just tell someone something and expect them to believe you as the gospel truth.  Especially since we live in a world of negative reinforcement; ie, you can’t do that, you are too fat, you are too skinny, you are not pretty, you are not smart followed by a direction… ie, you are not smart enough to go to that college, why not try a community college instead?  You are not pretty enough to date that guy, why not go with that other guy, he has a lot of money.  The list goes on endlessly.  What I have developed is system of positive reinforcement power words and actions that slowly break down the barriers of negativity.

Now, I have been 100% successful in at least instilling a positive foundation for them to work off of as they progress through life.

Sometimes there are road blocks.

There was this case where I met this family with lots of emotional baggage.  The issues they faced ran extremely deep… generations worth of issues.  The mother, Jackie Ihrkie, the daughter Lauren Ihrkie and the son Sean Ihrkie.

The mother; Jackie, was over bearing, over protective and extremely opinionated.  She was right and everyone else was wrong.

The husband; whom I had never met, but heard a bit about, was an atheist and he was of the opinion that he was never wrong.  **Law of attraction at work here, like attracts like**

They were divorced and the kids had to deal with two parents who were never wrong, and an over bearing, over protective mother.

I felt I had to help these kids.

Sean was going through an identity crisis, he would flip from one parents opinions and beliefs to the other and he would be doggedly adamant about his beliefs concerning that parent.  He was an aspiring writer and illustrator.

As I am already a published author of the novel “Chamorhyn” and have created several comic books, I knew that would be the avenue I could use to help guide him towards a more positive set of core values.

I was immediately sabotaged by his mother, Jackie.  A firm discussion ensued, and  I felt it wise to gracefully submit.

Weeks later, her daughter showed interest in learning Kung Fu.  As my classes are extremely affordable, she was more than happy to learn from me.  This presented the perfect opportunity to utilize my system of teaching both mental, physical and spiritual core values.

But the mother, Jackie kept projecting negative fantasies towards me.  She envisioned that I was taking advantage of her daughter, and she kept trying to find ways to prove it… but as my intentions were honorable, she lacked any leverage.

Now, my gut instincts began to warn me that this was turning into a very volatile situation… but my heart just couldn’t let it go.  I knew that this was going to turn out bad, but I remained hopeful that some good would come of it.

I think my pride would not let this challenge slip me by.  Sometimes the reward of  being able to say “I told you so” is so overwhelming that your better judgment slips out the door.

Now, Lauren suffered from an inferiority complex mixed in with martyrs syndrome as well as depression and a mild form of epilepsy…this coupled with her mothers type A personality created a child who really needed a mentor.

So I taught her Kung Fu, I worked on complimenting her and building her self esteem, these compliments went across the board from how she performed her martial skills, to how she was doing in school to how she handled her personal relationships to how she looked and carried herself, and I allowed her to grow into her new self image.

One such compliment however seemed to offend her.  She was having issues with her ex boyfriend and her new boyfriend.  I told her she was an extremely hot young lady and that anyone who did not appreciate her did not deserve her, and that she needs to have enough pride in herself to let someone go if they did not appreciate her.

I found absolutely nothing wrong with what I said, as it was a relationship situation, thus my words needed to convey the necessary key words to stimulate her subconscious mind to say, “Hey, I’m a hot, attractive woman and I can get anyone I want… I deserve better.”

We all can’t be perfect.  My words hit home very hard, and instead of her thinking in terms of her boyfriend situation, she actually externalized it and projected it onto me.  This was the fuel her mother needed to ostracize me.

She called me immediately calling me a molester and “How dare I call her daughter hot”

I sighed to myself, and tried to explain my philosophy which has helped so many other minors before.  I explained that her daughter was 17, and dating and having issues with boys and picking ones that are not treating her nicely.  But my words fell against deaf ears.  In her mind she was vindicated and justified.  I had lost this battle.

As time wore on, I started filming several low budget movies, and had several other projects in various stages of development.  I was working on a casting a movie called “GAIA” which I posted for casting calls on Facebook.  I gave the description of the movie, how many people I needed for the cast and requested anyone interested to send me their head and body shots and I would contact them within a few weeks.

Lauren contacted me on facebook and expressed interest in the movie and wanted to be the lead actress.

Now, my gut instincts are warning me again… as there are some people in this world you just can’t get involved with because they are consumed in a black hole of negative energy… It wasn’t Lauren’s fault, and I felt sorry for her, but I also knew that getting involved would draw me into that black hole.  I had already lost round 1 with the mother, I certainly didn’t want to see what would happen in round 2.  But Lauren was insistent and said she had explained to her mother how it was all a misunderstanding.

But I knew that the mother did not believe that and that she was only letting her daughter join the cast of GAIA because she was trying to make her daughter happy.  Anyway, I told her to send me head shots and body shots and a bio.

She did, but not the kind I was interested in.  The head shot was fine, but the body shot was in what looked like a swimming suit to me.  I told her I needed more professional looking shots and to get someone to take pictures of her.  She said she couldn’t.  I sighed, and said fine.  We can work with what we have, but try and get better pictures, and she said she would try.

Well, as in life sometimes things just don’t work out.  Lauren’s mother lost her mind again and she was out, I had already cast her as the lead.  I now had to revamp the entire movie and recast for the lead.  Fortunately my own daughters volunteered.  The only issue was that my eldest daughter was in college in Mancato and my youngest was in Michigan.  So everything got put on hold until they were all back in Minnesota.

Time passed.  I am living oblivious of the negative flow of energy moving my way.  As I am an honorable person and seek only to help others, I do not take the necessary precautions to protect myself as I believe being a good person is protection enough.

I had not fully learned the lesson previously when I had used the word “Hot” when trying to motivate Lauren.  You see, when someone wishes ill of you or expects bad things of you, their perception of you becomes distorted.  They will sit and wait and wait and wait until you do something that they will take out of context and then twist it into a knife and stab you repeatedly with it.

Let me refresh your memory.  Back in January, when casting for GAIA, Lauren had sent me a head shot and a body shot and a short bio.  Standard for any movie production company… KSEQ productions was the name of our movie production company.  Anyway, it is now April… my daughters are coming back, my cast is set and everything is ready for a June shoot.  My phone needs to be charged and I don’t have a phone charger for my car so I turn it off and leave my phone in my dresser drawer.  I am gone for 8 hours.

I come home and Dawn *my former fiance* has gone through my phone with a fine tooth comb.  She has checked every message and looked at every photo.  Only one, JUST ONE photo out of a gigabyte of photos causes her to give pause.

Yes, you have guessed it, the one where Lauren is wearing what I assumed was a bikini… and to the point, whether it was a bikini or not is irrelevant as some bikinis are far more revealing than undergarments and I assure you she wore nothing you wouldn’t find in the teen section of a JC Penny magazine.

While I was working those 8 hours, my ex fiance had went into my drawer, turned on my phone and rifled through it.  Found 1 picture out of hundreds and then literally flipped out over it.  Now, had I followed my gut instincts back in January none of this would have happened… once you open the door to negativity like the Ihrki’s you just have to ride out the storm.  Now as Dawn and I have been in a relationship for over 7 years, I figured she would know me well enough not to lose her mind… but I guess that negativity was far too strong… you see, you have to look at it from the perspective of negative reinforcement.  Jackie is Dawn’s best friend.  Jackie doesn’t like me and thinks I’m after her daughter.  So naturally Jackie is voicing her fears to Dawn, Dawn… who out of pride would defend me to her friend, but Jackie has planted a seed of doubt.  So now once again an innocent picture now becomes the critical mass for a witch hunt.  Dawn has already called Jackie, and now Jackie is calling me and all hell is breaking lose.

I do take full responsibility for the events that occurred.  I knew they had the potential to happen, yet I felt I was strong enough and far above the laws of the Cosmic 7  **go to  ** to learn more about the Cosmic 7.

I take this with me from that situation; from this point on, I require a contract to be signed by the parent and the child adhering to the scope of my training techniques.  If at any time they feel they can not take my style of training, they are free to go their own way at any time.  All pictures, videos and sound bites are the sole property of KSEQ productions and are here-within released of  legal obligation upon signature of actor, actress, writer and crew and if under 18 parent or legal guardians signature.

So that’s my lesson.  Protect yourself at all times on matter the circumstance.  Someone will, sooner or later, feel you owe them for something real or imagined, and they will do everything they possibly can to make you pay them in one way or another.

For me, I lost my relationship and social standing… basically 7 years of my life.  Gone in an instant.  And all because I chose to fight a woman drowning in an event horizon of negativity.  That is why I have since changed my tactics when dealing with people who are overwhelmed with negative energy.  I will protect myself first and foremost.  I will move forward with extreme caution.  I will not be filled with so much pride that I won’t leave when the situation calls for it.

You can’t personally save everyone.  Sometimes you have to let someone else be the superhero.  🙂


Posted: July 27, 2010 in My Heart, my soul

So, I am living in Correctionville Iowa now.  Not a very large town.  30 miles to the nearest city.

I should say that this place is filled with DRAMA.  I can go on and on about the drama here, but for now I have something of major issue on my mind.

My “friend” Bobby Perez invited me down to Correctionville Iowa in order to help him with his Martial Arts School.  He specializes in MMA.

Everything seemed awesome.  I would teach Kung Fu, and Art and Video Production, and Writing and Web Page Design and various other skills I have acquired over the years.  I have a lot to offer.

So my first week here was HELL on EARTH.  My Fiance’ Dawn M Varela had me thrown in Jail for Grand Theft Auto… which I was innocent of.  The police were very uncaring and not very gentle.  I sustained permanent nerve damage in my right hand due to how they restrained me with the handcuffs.

So, Bobby Commissioned me to do two murals for the school, The Land of OZ.  I painted one on the north wall and an illustration on the south wall.

Now, my pricing for mural’s is a base price of $500.00 2’X3′ and $1 a square foot there after.  I made 2 murals one 5’x20′ the other 8’x10’… you do the math.

I also teach classes … so far I have only taught Kung Fu and art classes to his students and I assist him with his MMA students.

He does not pay me for that.

I created a website for the Land of Oz.  This was created from scratch 5 page website, custom content.  Base price for this type of website is $550.00 without me designing the logo.  The logo would be another $200.00.  He did commission me to design a logo for him by the way, which was also not paid for.

I have lived with him for 3 months now.  So let’s do the math on the service I have provided.

Not including the art students and the martial arts students I have taught, he should have paid me at least $2,000.00 dollars.

Instead, he had the audacity to say that I only clean up after myself and I only clean up the general  gym area.  He say’s he works all day and is too tired to clean after his students and the bathrooms and the racquetball courts and his own room.  He says he needs me to do more to pay for my rent and the expense of living here.

Now, I rarely eat his food… as I have my own job working as a pizza dude at Casey’s… only when I have absolutely no food left do I even bother to eat anything of his.  Yet the second I buy something, he eats it right away, and has the nerve to share it with other people that come to the gym.

One time I bought a hamburger dinner from Club Casmo so that I could eat it later when everything was closed.  I put it in the refrigerator and when I came back from work at 11:30 pm, he had eaten it.

Third of July 2010 he goes to a dinner party and doesn’t come back till fourth of July evening.  I am all alone those two days and everything is closed and the only thing to eat are two kabobs.  I’m starving, so I cook them and eat them.

He comes home and says, “why the hell would you eat the last two kabobs in the frig?  I am here to take care of myself not you.  Why would I feed you first instead of myself.  I just don’t understand how you could do something like that!”

…and he goes on to say that if I was really hungry I would drink tomato soup…

To add insult to injury, he passes gas right next to me, and I have expressed to him that I do not appreciate that and could he do that somewhere else instead of right next to me, and he says “My gas doesn’t stink”  and promptly gets all pissed off because I requested he not do that RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

To make this even more nerve wracking, I have expressed to him my concerns about using derogatory terminology such as racial slander… yet when some kids came over and said they were running from door to door ringing bells, he said… “Oh, nigger knocking”  I said that is a racial slander.  He said “I’m not racist, that’s just what you call it when you do that.”  I said, that’s racial slander… he continued to insist that he wasn’t racist so he could call it whatever he likes and started using multiple racial slanders for various colors and creeds.

He then said I was being a “Dick” and that all I wanted to do was argue.

Now, if I am wrong in feeling that I am being taken advantage of and disrespected… please feel free to educate me on how my way of thinking is flawed.  But until that time, I am feeling completely torn down by all this negativity.

Emanuel VS Dawn

Posted: July 27, 2010 in My Heart, my soul

Emanuel Shajhef Quinton

Dawn Marie Varela

Dawn and I were engaged to be married.  We lived together for 7 years in an apartment owned by Stuart Management with her daughter, Shelby Renae Varela (who later moved out when she was 18) and her son Jamel Randal Varela 14 years old.

I maintained a primary job at Blockbuster in Oakdale MN at $9.25 per hour 35 hours per week.  I also held various part-time jobs starting with Subway’s in Woodbury $7.00 per hour 20 hours per week;  Compusa in Woodbury on commission average $12.00 per hour 30 hours per week, Best Buy in Oakdale Computer Department $12.00 per hour 30 hours per week, Radio shack in Highland Park $12.00 per hour 30 hours per week, Outsell in Minneapolis $14.00 per hour 40 hours per week, Kirklands in Woodbury $10.50 per hour 30 hours per week, Ramsey County as a temp clerk I for child support $11.20 per hour 40 hours per week, Alliance One in Mendota Heights $12.00 per hour 30 hours per week, E-funds in Oakdale $11.50 per hour 40 hours per week and lastly Fed-ex in Oakdale $11.00 per hour 25 hours per week.

Dawn Marie Varela works at Oakdale Optical in Oakdale MN at $18.00 per hour 40 hours per week.

Our rent went from free, when she was a caretaker to $585.00 in 2007 raised every year until $604.00 in 2009.
Electric: $85.00 per month
Cable: $100.00 per month
T mobile Cellphone Family & Internet: $100.00 per month
Totaling $889.00 per month (or 296.3 if you divide it by 3 people.)

My personal bills were:
Target: $10.00 per month
Bestbuy MasterCard: $60.00 per month
Bestbuy in-store card: $60.00 per month
Chevy Malibu 2004: $310.00 per month
Geico Insurance: $64.00 per month.
Wellsfargo Visa: $60.00 per month.
Wellsfargo Cash on Demand: $60.00 per month.
Child support: $240.00 per month.
Totaling $864.00 per month.

Making my total monthly bills $1,160.3 dollars per month.

Now the problems.

When during the first year of our engagement, my car broke down.  I didn’t have good enough credit to finance a car.  So she agreed to finance a car for me and would give me the title after the car was paid off.  This was $310 per month, but I paid $160 every 2 weeks on it up until January of 2010.  When the car was paid off, she refused to give me the title.

In 2006 she was nervous about having 2 cars in her name, so we refinanced her Alero into my name and to make the transition easier, I added her to my bank account.  To rebuild my credit, the finance department gave me 2 credit cards, the Wellsfargo Visa, and the Wellsfargo Cash on Demand, which was part of the refinance agreement she and I signed together to have me the primary on her Alero.  I used these 2 cards to pay for car repairs and maintenance on my Chevy Malibu and to pay for trips back and forth to Indianapolis Indiana to deal with my ex-wife and drivers license Issues.  Everything worked out just fine, all my payments were being made.

In 2008 she accused me of fraud and stealing her identity when I made a late payment to the Wellsfargo Cash on Demand, they told her she was a secondary on the account and were making sure the payments would continue.  I told her I did not sign her name on anything and did not commit any fraud.  She later realized it was part of the refinance agreement, but remained paranoid.  She then called the finance department and canceled both my cards which still had a balance on them.  This instantly ruined my credit as they went from revolving straight into debt.  Needless to say we argued over this from 2008 till 2010.

As those two cards were now debts, I saw no reason to maintain them until I paid off my car, as a bad debt is a bad debt whether you pay on it or not.  So I told Wellsfargo financial I would pay on the cards in January of 2010 after I paid off my car, as I had other revolving credits that now took priority.

Needless to say, they were not happy and called her daily at work and at home.

In 2009 another financial blow occurred.  My ex-wife in Indianapolis Indiana sued me for child support.  Indiana child support did not take into account I was already paying child support and went by a percentage, which happened to max out at 60 %.  During this time I was working my last part time job at Fed-ex.  Not only did they take from my primary job, but also my secondary job.  My Fed-ex job paid weekly, my check from there was only $20.00 a week after child support.  As Fed-ex is a labor intensive job, working there for $20.00 a week seemed rather stupid.  So I retired from there until I could resolve the child support issue with the state of Indiana.

I managed to get them to bring down the monthly payments to 60 dollars per week, but at this point maintaining 2 jobs became pointless, as previously Minnesota only took from my primary job, now I was being garnished for 2 jobs, and as my secondary jobs did not give a lot of hours, the result was a check that did not make it worth my time to pursue.

2009 became a very bad year, and the financial burden of our shared rent fell on her, as I now only made enough money to pay for my personal bills.  I made extra income by doing art work, or repairing peoples computers.

January 2010 after making my last car payment, I called Wellsfargo Financial and arranged Direct deposit of $60 per month on one card and $120 per month on the other.  I was not aware of the growing animosity she was harboring for the fact that I now made only enough money to pay for my personal bills and could not contribute much to the household bills.

In May of 2010, we broke up.  She told me to move out immediately.  My finances at that moment did not allow me to be able to get another apartment immediately.  So I called a friend in Iowa who said I could stay with him until I could get on my feet again.  I moved out the next day.  As we lived together for 7 years, some of her belongings were naturally mixed in with mine… but I had no issues with driving back to Minnesota to give her her belongings, as my daughter still lives in Minnesota and I could have dropped her stuff off when visiting my daughter.

What she did instead was accuse me of stealing my car, stealing her TV and stealing her computer.  The moment I got to Iowa I was charged with Grand Theft Auto and they gave her all my personal possessions which were still in the car.

In actuality, I had paid off my Chevy Malibu… which she refused to sign over.  We had 2 flat screen TV’s, one I used for my artwork movie productions and web page designs, which was the one I took.  We had 3 computers, I only took one which was the one I rebuilt to handle all my processing needs.

All my x box’s, x box 360 and PlayStation 3’s and Wii and all the games I purchased were done under my Bestbuy cards and my Target Card, which by the way I am still paying on which can be easily proven through statements where she is completely not on my accounts.

What she did was close my bank account, which had all the payment arrangements I had made and my direct deposits, and then she began to use extortion techniques in order to force me to pay for my possessions, which I am currently still paying on.  She then Sold my car and paid off my two Wellsfargo Financial cards and still refuses to give me my personal property.

I can understand her bitterness for the last year of our time together, but that does not excuse her from backing out of the deal we made for me paying off the car, or give her the right to keep my personal property which I paid for over the last 7 years.

My paychecks were all direct deposit, for me to pay our bills through my bank account she had to willingly give me money to put into my account to pay for the bills she knew needed to be paid.  I did not steal from her or use her for 7 years.  I am sorry that my financial burden increased in 2009, but that still does not give her the right to take what I earned and paid for.

It is just NOT right.

I have text messaging records that prove everything I have said based on conversations we have had with each other, also it is easily possible to pull from Wellsfargo Online Records showing I paid 160.00 every 2 weeks on my Chevy Malibu, and before she closed my bank account it is easy to contact Wellsfargo Financial to see that I had made direct deposit payment arrangements with them.

I have been financially responsible.  What she has done in her paranoid fear is ruin my life and taken away everything I have worked on for the last 7 years.
This is just not right.

Hello world!

Posted: July 27, 2010 in My Heart, my soul

So, here I am.  Following in the footsteps of so many others.  There comes a point in one’s life where you have no one else to talk to, no one to listen to you or understand who you are, where your going and what you’ve gone through.  So, I have decided to blog about it.  Get things off my chest, and then let it go.  If someone else should stumble across my rantings… just know that it is just my feelings and emotions and my way of expressing how unfair life can seem when you deal with things on an emotional level.