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Archive for the ‘Daily updates’ Category
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Published Author of the fantasy series:Â Soaralis; Legends & Lore
Artist; painter, illustrator, designer, song writer, musician
Martial Artist, various Chinese Styles.
Zodiac Sign, Monkey/ Sun in Virgo with Taurus rising.
https://soaralis-legends-lore.mightybell.com/
http://www.paradigmcompass.com/
http://paradigmcompass.com/wordpress/
So, originally I was going to just use this blog to vent. Venting is good for you; however, it also occurred to me that I would be creating a well of negativity. I would not be sharing how I have grown and how I have learned to move past my pain and suffering to let my light shine.
So not only will I post my pain and suffering, but I will also share with you the light that also shines.
You see, pain is a the antithesis of pleasure… whenever I find myself in pain I know that it is a warning that I am doing something wrong, and that I have gone in the opposite direction of where I want to go. The question I then ask myself is… so where is it I REALLY want to go?
So far I’ve been talking about relationships… and I’ve had quite a few… not just female companions, but also friends and family relationships. I’ve traveled all around the world and I’ve learned quite a bit about social dynamics.
I will add to this little blog morsels of insight to help guide you through the darkness that shadows your life, and hopefully make this world a better place to live in one reader at a time 😀
Strange as it may seem, I actually do know the secret to wealth and happiness. The problem is that my brain keeps telling me I don’t deserve to be happy and I seem to keep punishing myself for not being perfect. It is like there are two different versions of me. Emanuel the teacher, the positive outspoken go lucky creator of novels and self help books, illustrator and martial artist… and then there is the Emanuel whose child hood was destroyed by a father who was never there and a step father who abused me till I moved out and relationships that were tumultuous at best.
So, who were the women that helped forge my life as it is today.
Let’s go back in history.
My first kiss, Sandy Smith Kattabach Germany, blond hair blue eyes. That was awesome, I walked her home and carried her books, and kissed her at the door. Afterward, some African American girls beat me up for trying to date a Caucasian girl.
My first relationship, Chery Bardi, Vicenza Italy. The most beautiful woman in the world to me, honey blond hair. She dumped me. We are still friends, but I never really asked her why she dumped me.
First love at first sight romance, Valarie Rentfroe, long awesome red hair, green eyes, Pisa Italy. Strange how I met her one day and we hung out all night and then she vanished from my life the next day.
My second relationship was a secret affair with my best friends sister, Candi Burbank. A magnificent blond babe. Fayetteville North Carolina. It was too stressful keeping a secret from my best friend Shawn Burbank. I was happy and sad it ended.
My third relationship was Laurie Jo Simon, we met in Bad Kissengen Germany. Beautiful Blond. We broke up when I joined the AirForce, I didn’t believe long distance love affairs could work… she got pregnant the night we said goodbye to our wonderful daughter, Desaree Shavaun Simon.
My fourth relationship was Tammy Michelle Lord. Bodacious red head from Huntington Beach California, we met in the AirForce. Love at first sight. Married a few months later. She left me for the swingers life. Another woman and pregnant by another man… so she said.
My fifth relationship was Julia Michele Feeney. Very beautiful honey blond babe. We met in Leesville Louisiana. She is the mother of our Son, Joseph Emanuel Quinton. We just couldn’t make it work. She didn’t trust me and I didn’t trust her.
My sixth relationship was a mistake, it was a rebound from Julia constantly saying I was cheating when I wasn’t and after she took our son and left for Indianapolis Indiana, I fell into the arms of Stacy Schmidt. Uh, that was really rocky… she was a very hot and sultry red haired vixen. It never should have happened, but when you are rebounding, you just want to be loved, and she played me like a fiddle. This was still in Leesville Louisiana. When she started playing me and my friends against each other… it was time to move on.
My seventh relationship was with Karen G Hardison in Columbia South Carolina. I really fell deeply in love with her. She was the first woman with a great head on her shoulders, so I thought. I really don’t know what happened to us… a lot of little things I suppose. I would actually have to talk to her again and find out what went wrong.
So I left South Carolina and went back to Louisiana and I get a call from Julia Michelle Feeney. She wants me to come back and try and work things out. She has my son, and I love my son and I am single… so why the heck not? Well, what a mistake that was. You can’t base your relationship on your kids. We broke up AGAIN and I moved to Minnesota to be near my daughter.
My eighth relationship was Dawn Marie Varela. Long dark hair, light tan skin.  Half Mexican half Caucasian. She was everything I wanted, she was everything I needed, but she didn’t respect me or appreciate me and she showed me no gratitude. Yet I loved her regardless. We lasted 7 years… and then she murdered me.
So what is the lesson here? Um, yeah… you tell me 🙂
The road to hell is paved with good intentions… I’ve heard. But is that really the case? I mean, isn’t your heart worth anything in heaven? What if you intended to get to work on time, but an 18 car pile up got you stuck in traffic and you couldn’t get to your job, and you just happen to be delivering a heart to the hospital… … … you get fired for not delivering the heart. Or what if you were the surgeon, and now the 8 year old kid doesn’t get that heart transplant, now the parents want you dead for being late to help save their daughters life… oh I can make a ton of what if’s… I’m a writer and my creativity knows no bounds.
The point being… if your heart is truly in the right place and you honestly are doing your best for the good of society, mankind and God, and you follow a very universal moral standard, how then can you be held accountable for when things do not go the way you intend?
It seems that everyone wants to blame everyone else for everything else. Why can’t we just be content to blame ourselves, move on and do better next time?
I know, some of you are saying, there won’t be a next time.
Well I guess you really didn’t learn your lesson. It’s all about you. You have to be loving, caring and forgiving. You have to take responsibility for yourself. Humanity will die without you. And if you are one of those people who says, I’m just one person. Think about this, what if every one person died tomorrow?
So, take care of yourself today. Love today. Give today. Be the best you can today. You won’t have to worry about doing better tomorrow, because today will always be better than yesterday because you are here now.
Okay, that’s enough philosophizing for today 🙂
I know I made this blog to express my deeper emotions, not the sappy love emotions but the depressed, anxious, spirited emotions. So I was at work thinking about that and it occurred to me… would I have to create another blog just convey my sappy love side? Heck no. That’s way too much work. So I have decided that if the need to express some growing desire of love or some happy thoughts that may impregnate me… then whose gonna condemn me for posting them? Might make me seem a bit irrational and insane to have such conflicting feelings in one blog… but then again… aren’t we all insane?
So I guess today was a lazy day for me. Didn’t really do anything except clean the school and get annoyed by pesky flies… I hate flies!!! And spiders too… let us not forget those evil little demons. But flies are way more annoying. They keep buzzing around you and landing on you and running away when you try to kill them then coming right back to where they had just landed! Jemose Krizmas, what the heck is going through the mind of a fly to be so annoying?
I think my new term for annoying people will secretly be fly girls and fly guys… heheh.
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